Boys II Men- Amazing Grace

The heart is deceitful above all things
and beyond cure.
Who can understand it?
Jeremiah 17:9

I love learning new things everyday. I am taking a break from journeying from this long path I call life. I have to admit, I am tired and just need time to seek out for myself. Going through my everyday life, walking through my path and taking the right or wrong turns is difficult. But who doesn't struggle through this? Currently, I am pondering the thought of, 'what am I really looking for?' I am trying to go somewhere but I have no idea where I am going to end up in the end. This isn't another confusion in life where I don't know what I want, but I don't know what I am doing. I've made consistent mistakes over and over, but it is hard to break out of my ways. I try my best, and I do take my foot forward. I suppose this 'break' I am taking upon myself is in relation to what had happend with Lalique before... her 'pursuit of happiness'. Don't get me wrong I love my life and every aspect of it, but there are times where you fall into a ditch and you don't know what to do. I suppose I just need to straighten some problems with others and myself out before I can continue on forward. I will admit that I am blessed to have those with me in my life that have recently joined me, or has never left my side (you know who you are). So far 2009 has given me a lot more ups and downs than 2008. But what I keep trying to tell myself is to never dwell upon the past. Looking back just makes us wonder what if, when we should look forward to build something better than what our past holds. I know I do look back, but I am trying to move on. Hm... I suppose after writing all this I feel much better inside knowing that my thoughts are all written out and not scattered in my brain. Fyi, I am not sad just thinking. =] I know Monica will understand all of this because she usually does.


-----dear you's-----

Dear Lalique,

I know it has been sometime since I have done this, but I know you do read this. Thank you for being such a great friend to me, and trying to keep in touch with me when you can. You have been one of the few people who I don't really have to talk to and still continue our friendship where it has left off. No drifting, no parting, no difference. I do miss you dearly though and I wish we did have time for each other to hang out from time to time, but I know graduation is coming up and you have a lot on your plate. Even though we don't talk, you still manage to understand how I feel and where I stand in life. I am blessed that I can still call you one of my closest friends to have.

Dear Monica,

My TI to my JT. I know that sounds completely homo, but we know we be homies for life. You have stuck by me through all this stupid nonsense in my life. You've seen my ups and downs, the progression and mistakes, and etc. I really do thank David a lot for making me talk to you because seriously you're a G. I know I can be quite honest or blunt with my words to you, but I do try to take care of you cause I don't like seeing you hurt. You've supported me in many things that others aren't able to do and thank you for that. I know we see each other almost everyday and do random stuff to rid of our boredum, but it is always fun. Can't wait to go shopping with you!

Dear Fawzi,

We both understand how hard it was for me to keep in touch with you while I am trying to get a lot of work done. I am glad that we can hang out at times when we are both free though because it is fun! I do try to keep your head up and you do the same for me. Just hang on in there and you know I am there for you when you need me. It's pretty cool that you try to reach me online, but my internet is a lil bastard and signs me off every chance it gets. Thank you though for putting effort in reaching me when I am barely there. I do try my hardest to be.

Dear Jesmond,

We are the weirdest people ever. We are really close then we stop talking for awhile... then talk again... then stop. Nonetheless, you were always there. You try to go to my prayer meetings when you feel like it or whatnot. And just hang out with me when you can. You've kept me happy when I am down, and you like all the weird cartoons I like so we watch those together! Thanks for being there for me lately, but I do have a good feeling that once I start Spring Quarter things will be up and down again. Thank you though, for everything you have done for me lately.

Dear David,

I know you don't ever read any of my blogs so most likely you won't see this. We are just two confused people in this world and trying to make sense of it together. I know us seeing/talking to each other varies because you have found your happiness else where and your focus is on other things. Either way, you try to keep up with me if you can, and make the best of all our chill days. I know we messed up a lot ever since... we broke up, but we are still trying. We've been together through all our ups and downs and never gave up on each other. I can say, where ever we do end up, I just hope you are still there for me. I've gotten bitter towards the fact that you moved on, but slowly I am letting it go. Perhaps, the only thing I wish you could do for me, is to support me in what I do or something cause you're never there. Anways, I just want to say thank you, for still being one of my best friends and being there for me when I need you. It makes me happy to know you're there still and btw no this isn't something sad because you already know what I told you before. =]

Dear Kyle,
I really miss you. I know you have a lot of things going on in your life right now, but please know I am still here for you. You are like my Brother... and seeing you hurt sometimes hurts me too. I know you are full of love and passion and I am glad that you are able to devote yourself in whatever God blessed you with. I am happy to see you out there performing and I promise I will try to be there to support you in your shows! Please take care of yourself and keep in touch with me when you can... I love you.

I am blessed with wonderful people in my life. I love you and God Bless you all.