Looking Into Your Eyes...

My first intentions was to write about my day... or yesterday... but I guess I got so caught up on the hype of how everything was just falling apart in front of my eyes. I don't really know how to feel anymore, but all I know is to move on. I suppose. Being forced to do something you don't want to do is kinda hard for me to do, but I'm just the person that is willing to make a sacrifice. I'm so distraught, confused, and infuriated now. Who am I to complain about this situation? I find it so retarded how I am able to help others but myself. Such a useless feeling from time to time. I try to be stronger than I really am and when I do that... all I get is over-whelmed. All I can do now is settle for "second best". No one is even in that spot, but I suppose that's how I am looking at it right now. Arghs. It was the first time I didn't say sorry or cry... I don't know if that is a good thing.

I miss my Dad. I want to talk to him. I feel so lonely that I keep having to learn to let go. I'm starting to think I don't want to get too close to anyone because in the end everyone just leaves me. I hate feeling alone or being alone... but when it comes down to it... that's just what it is.

Thank you Monica for sticking with me the whole way through this stupid situation. I am blessed and you know that. I still feel bad for being a bushwhacker to you hahahaha. *sigh* we shall shop for panties soon.

Jesmond I know you don't enjoy knowing how sad I am and that you know I'm trying not to. But =[... damn it.

Hm.... I can't help but continuously listen to Katy Perry's - Thinking of You.
song makes me sad. kinda true i suppose a bit..

The only thing I am looking forward to is dancing on Tuesday but I know how horrible I will be dancing D: I haven't danced in along time, but I guess its okay to try again.

I know this is such a scattered blog for once, but the last thing I can say about everything is...

it's all just a test... everyone is just testing me now.
... I'm not a lab rat...