So Long Wretched 2009

RECAP - kinda.

I can honestly say, 2009 has been one of my worse years in my life. I am not going to say nothing good came out of it, because I got a lot of good/positive things in return, but the trials I had to face were terrible. I am glad I have a new beginning now, and that for 2010 I shall start new happy start. Before I make it seem like I am ending off my blog already... lets have a small "recap" of 2009.

I don't think I am gonna do the each month thing this year, because I don't want to waste my time trying to think that hard about what went on, and if I really want to pondering on those thoughts again.

2009 has made me a really strong and independent person. For many months I was drowned with random drama that I did not need to be in or want to be a part of. Regardless, I still had to go through with them whether I liked it or not. I can say the drama that I was in was really pointless and I do not know why I made myself busy enough to get sucked into it and let it 'take over me'. I lost friends, I gained new ones, old ones return, making decisions whether they or i are right or wrong. It just gets really complicated. In the end, I have gotten to a point where I finally gave in and let everything go because that is the best way for me to do it. Esp since all I did was try things out and hope for the best. I cannot say I went through all of these by myself because that is a pure lie. I did have my besties to help me get through my problems, good and bad. They were always there either telling me to stop what I am doing or helping me push forward. I would not be where I am today, if it were not for them. I am blessed to have them in my life because they have obviously been there for me and I need to be there for them. We are like family.

My friends have made things quite interesting this year. There are those who I talk to every/almost everday, and those who I talk to every once in awhile. For the main four, they are the ones who I rarely talk to, but I do not have to. I am glad they are in my life because distance and time does not have to tear us apart because life makes it go in different directions and it is our choice whether or not we want to remain good friends or just drift apart and act like you do not know the person standing in front of you. Xanthe will always be my bestest friend forever and thank God for that! She is the best and I am glad we have mini dates once a month at least to catch up on things and to vent. We always have each others back when needed and I have been there for her throughout her pregnancy and her problems that she has been facing for many months, but has eventually subsided. She is a true best friend and I love her to death. Kyle as we all know is my two for one special. A brother and sister in one. I love him. He helps me with my problems, listens to me, gives me advice, and looks after me. I am very proud of him with all of his accomplishments that he has made in his life and where it will be taking him in the future. He is one of my favorite brothers that I do not literally have in my family. Lalique. Shes my busy bee, but my top lover, no homo. I love this girl. She inspires me that you can do so much in life and still be satisfied or live happily. Regardless the struggles she faces in her life, she finds a way to keep herself up. She would randomly check up on me and vice versa. I would always miss her because we would hang out a lot in the past, but it does not change how we are friends. I can count on her to be there for me and I am happy that she is one of the very VERY few people who understands what it is like to be in my shoes. Then there is David. He is one of the complicated best friends. Not to be mean in anyway. I have gone through a lot of sh*t with him this year, that has triggered so much drama, and pain. But when we put the whole "relationship" stuff in the past, he has been there for me as a friend. He listens to what I have to say and at least tries to understand where I am coming from. He saw the pain I endured and how I still suffer knowing that my Dad is gone. Things at the very moment with our friendship does not seem so well, but at least he is now trying to get things to be back to normal. We have officially had our closure, returned our things, and starting our friendship new. It is weird knowing I have a lot to say about him, but I guess it is because I did spend most of my 2009 around him. Regardless the pain and struggle. I let it go.

To the rest of the besties, they are the ones that I do see more often or hang out with a lot. I can say that Jesmond, Fawzi, Monica, & Rainier... I have seen them grow a lot and I am glad that they stuck by me when I had trouble trying to turn to others. I love them all and I know that we have gone through thin and thick times together... but it does not matter because we made it another year together! :] Thank you so much for everything.

For my family. It is amazing how much we have grown together. I can say it was a blessing from my Dad. Even though we had to lose him in our lives last year. He did keep us closer and try harder - for some at least. BUT regardless how frustrating and irritating things may get, I will never deny the fact that I love each of them. I wish they knew or understood how much they mean to me, but I guess they will find out sometime in life. I am glad I was blessed with a family. Even though we are not and may never be perfect, I feel its best that we are not perfect. If we were... we would have never grown.

Relationships and heartaches. I have gone through a number of pain and sorrow this year with this topic. My stupidity of not wanting to let go, or for fooling myself that theres some sort of hope. Running in circles, trying to break out of the routine. I suppose you can say I got tired and drifted off somewhere else, where it will be different and hopefully better. In the time that I was "lost" trying to find myself and looking/searching for answers, I did get to where I wanted to be. Sonny is a living proof and example of: "If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they’re yours; If they don’t they never were." He was someone that I truly had to push away and let go for two reasons. One: To protect myself from getting hurt. Two: To find what I really want. I suffered the war that my heart had to face. Pulling and tugging trying to figure out what to do and where to go. FINALLY, I sent out a prayer for an answer, and I got one. :]

I am leaving blogger for now and transferring myself to tumblr just to try things out for a year like I did with blogger. Once I have officially decided what I liked better, then I will remain in that blogging area and try making use for the other. For.. I do not know. Maybe pictures.

I am still gonna continue my yearly slideshows and I am going to currently put that together and hopefully have it up for New Years at least.

Last note to you all: This year has been the toughest for me, and I am glad that I made it out and finally over with. I am ready for a beginning and a new start. Lets put everything that was in the past behind us and lets look forward. So much awaits for us we should NEVER dwell on the past.


TO THOSE WHO HATE/DISLIKE ME: Suck it. Grow up and get over it. I am done and I have forgiven/gotten over what may have happened. I am willing to put everything aside and try to start new. If that does not seem like an answer, then fine. So be it. Bitching, dogging, talking shit, etc does not mean you have become a better person or over the problem. Being over something is when it does not even matter to you anymore. So go ahead and continue your random drama, but just know I am done with it. The best thing I can do is nothing. So love it or hate it. Your choice.

Some Quotes I Kept Throughout The Year:


"A woman's heart should be so hidden in God, a man would have to go to Him to find her."
(founded in Klarissas Tumblr)

The best kind of friendship is the one that is not negatively affected by time and distance. (forgot where I found this one)

"Life is a process. take the mistakes and pocket them. learn from them and move on. no need to stress and dwell on them longer than you really need to. it took me many years to come to realization of what i just typed on here. we're all in the same boat. keep your head up. blessings=)" - Bryan Keith (reply to status update)

"To live in the world without becoming aware of the meaning of the world is like wandering about a great library without touching the books."
It is strange to be known so universally and yet to be so lonely. - Albert Einstein


Pictures of each Month

JANUARY:



FEBRUARY:



MARCH:

N/A for 2nd picture

APRIL:



MAY:




JUNE:






JULY:





AUGUST:




SEPTEMBER:





OCTOBER:





NOVEMBER:





DECEMBER:








*Sorry I was too lazy to search for all the photos so I got what I had on my Mac

Not So Long From Now...

I am making my Farewell to 2009 blog.

Independent

Some people do not realize that I do not seem to care about that situation anymore. I let him go along time ago and not planning on turning back. I am done and been done for along time. Am I being harsh? Maybe, but you get what you deserve. People do not seem to realize that all I need is a complete closure and I am done - whether it ends well or poorly - because all I can do is keep moving forward. It is kind of sad that I do not really care anymore, but once I am fed up - I am fed up. You know how I am; once I have made up my mind. It is what it is.

I guess you can say I am releasing all of my pain and hurt from my past because I do not need to dwell upon it anymore. I have grown from all of my bad experience and I will just carry on to something better. All I want to do is just feel free and relieved that I have overcome all of this unnecessary stress that has been lingering around my life for the past couple of months. I am not confused, I am not unsure, I am not making a wrong decision. I know everything I have made up is right for me.

I am happy with my life now, and I feel like I do not have much to worry about or stress out about. I love my family because they are literally all I have when I have nothing left and they are my backbone. I love my best friends I have because I know I can always count on them through thick and thin. I love my boyfriend because he always ends my day with a smile. I mean everyone makes me feel that way, but you know what I mean.

ANYWAYS

The VLFJK dinner went smoothly and I am really glad that it did because I won't lie, I did/do miss them. Everyone is busy and it is very rare for us to get together and just chill and talk. We had a lot of time to talk about different stuff and gossiped about some shiz going around. Pretty darn funny to say, but also sad.. hahahaha "Fakestuh" hahahahaha wompwomp. I think the one thing that got me really happy was just chilling in my room because it was just like old times when we would just lie there and talk or sing or do whatevers that we needed to do for choir hahaha. The person I missed the most was Kyle because I never ever see him. Singing in the car with him was hilarious, and I loved our talk before I dropped him home :] Thanks to Sonny he helped guide me home kinda when I got myself lost while driving in the dark and rain. Haha I felt really lame. No0o Joke.

Today I just did a lot of chilling with myself in my room, then I got to see Sonny Bay! In the beginning I was being such a poon, but after that everything went smooothly! :] Puahaha! I like our hanging out. It consists of either playing OMGPOP, Youtube, sleeping, eating, etc. I love living the simple life.

I am excited to see Xanthe tomorrow because I do not see her as often anymore. I don't know what to wear once again for our lunch date at the Korean BBQ place hahaha.Whoo hoo can't wait to catch up with her! :] PLUS, I need to remind myself I need to start buying her baby shower stuff because I am getting her a buttload of things whoo hoo! :]

Dec 24th. will be the first time that our family will be celebrating our Christmas party on that day. I am kind of sad that we're not doing anything on Christmas, but I'll see. I don't know what I am doing on Christmas yet. & on the eve its also Baby Laliquekae's birthday! I need to find a way to stop by her casa to greet her! O:

I can't believe Christmas is literally right there. I am really excited especially since I constantly play Christmas music almost everywhere I can! Puahaha! YAY YAY YAY! The next thing I am excited about is New Years because well... "its the NEW year." WOMP!

Well I am done. TOODLE LOO

Idk if this is true but it made me think

Idealist Champion

You are introspective, cooperative, informative, and expressive. You have a strong desire to make your thoughts known to the world. When you speak or write, you are often hoping to use your convictions to motivate others to participate in advocacy or you hope to reveal a hidden truth about the human experience. You are greatly concerned with ethics and justice and have a strong desire to speak about current issues and events. You are the most inspiring and animated of the role variants.

You are very individualistic and you feel a need to experience significant social events. You consider intense emotional experiences to be vital to life and view the world as a drama. You are constantly seeking to learn about everything that has to do with advancement of good and the retreat of evil in the world.

You strive toward a kind of personal authenticity and this intention always to be yourself is usually quite attractive to others. At the same time, you have outstanding intuitive powers and can tell what is going on inside of others, reading hidden emotions and giving special significant to words or actions. In fact, you are constantly scanning the social environment, and no intriguing character or silent motive is likely to escape your attention.

You are good with people and usually have a wide range of personal relationships. You are warm and full of energy with your friends. You are good in public and on the telephone, and are so spontaneous and dramatic that others love to be in your company. You are a positive, exuberant person, and often your confidence in the goodness of life and of human nature makes good things happen.

Famous Champions include Joan Baez, Charles Dickens, Phill Donahue, Bill Moyers, and Edith Wharton.



thank you facebook for always making me wonder


ANYWAYS. Hello world. Life is JUST DANDY! :] Love love love it!


To You: Now I am seriously wanting to drop you. Hmph.

Inspiration.

I won't lie. I am surprised that in the most random time... any where and at any place... something hits you. It's one of those moments where you know you have to grab a piece of paper and pencil and start writing... or in my case... opening a word document and typing the life out of it. I know I am never EVER good at making music, but I think I am a pretty okay writer. Putting my thoughts together about events, people, memories, the past, etc... Its all there. Almost like writing a poem or telling a story, but I feel like there is some sort of inspiration to make a song. I won't tell what it is about, but I'll post it once its done. I know I am never good at making a melody or putting in chords (thinking of my failed attempts or creations) BUT, I feel like MAYBE it'd explain a lot going on. *ramble ramble ramble*

Today I was in one of my most interesting moods. In a bitchy, quiet, mad, irritated, sad, happy, super happy, & etc. I can say... it'll eff you up. I had a headache of doom. Nonetheless, I still can say it was literally productive and I am glad it was.

Random Thoughts:
I need to find something to wear for the VLFJDK dinner.
Why can't I do awesome chords on the guitar
I love my freaking radio
Invest invest invest!
My phone has been dropped 2 times... and the second one actually left a dent -___-
"Killing Nazis"
Hmmmmm??
I need to visit mi padre
I Love You =]

Waiting for the Transition

I can say December will be my last month with it for now before I transfer myself out of this blogging site. I might migrate here and there maybe, but for right now I feel like last year has taken its toll on me and once the New Year starts I shall leave the past where it belongs and move on.

On a brighter note, if anyone cares, I have been deeply happy. I know I have been MIA in a lot of peoples lives lately, but I've been doing my own thing for awhile. It takes me away from the stress, and shows me there is more to life than being down all the time. I owe it to certain people for that. For one, everyone knows Sonny has been keeping me company a lot and if no one knows, we are officially together. I am surprised how well he is treating me cause when I look back, everyone really treats me like trash or makes me feel bad about myself, and that's not how its supposed to work. I feel good in my skin and I feel like I have "a new beginning" - as Teddy Flor says. The other person I owe it to is Lalique. Even though we barely see or talk to each other, we do check up on each other. I love how she randomly calls me or texts me and makes me feel all gay. Regardless, I know that I am able to open up to her like my younger sister. Aside the rest is of course my Family. Even though we are not the greatest or stable family, we have great moments together. I am never treated fairly, but I still love them regardless because I can count on them for my smiles.

I can't seem to get enough of how happy I am. I feel like I do not need to do as much because I am living the simple life finally. Everything I want to do. I try not to make things complicated because it really rips the joy out of what can be great later in the future. I don't need surprises or anything expensive because I don't feel its important. But when it is shown, it does have its meaning behind it :]

If anyone tries to take this away from me then 'Suck It'. For awhile I have been able to drain and let go of a lot of unnecessary drama that I do not need in my life. Ever since I handle my problems more differently than I did last year, there has been less bickering around. I just either let myself grow from it or others grow from what had happened. Positive or Negative. Drama will always be right around the corner waiting to tackle you down when you're not looking. I've been trying to keep that aware because I always remember what Mr. Woodside taught me in Psyc- "When you feel like you are high on life; look out because someone will cut you down."

Either way, I am happy. Finally.

For those of you I have neglected, I will apologize for my actions, but I will not apologize for my reasonings. When people hurt me, I am not afraid to look the other way. In a sense, learn from your mistakes. I know I am not perfect and I make mistakes too, but in a processes, there is always a lesson to be taught. Whomever is reading this and is a good friend, you should know how I am already. I still wonder why people would push my boundaries around.

What have I been doing lately?

Mostly hanging out with Sonny.
Playing videogames
Watching Family Guy
Texting
Going out
Church
Home
Clean

Upcoming Events:
12/15 - Christmas Party with CSULA and a few Mt. Sac
12/21 - VLFJDK Christmas Reunion Dinner
12/24 - Family Christmas Party/ Laliques Birthday/ Christmas Eve
12/25 - Christmas (no Family Christmas Party :[ )

(I know I am forgetting A LOT, but... if I forgot something I planned with you PLEASE tell me.)




I love life.




Daddy I Miss You Dearly