So Long Wretched 2009

RECAP - kinda.

I can honestly say, 2009 has been one of my worse years in my life. I am not going to say nothing good came out of it, because I got a lot of good/positive things in return, but the trials I had to face were terrible. I am glad I have a new beginning now, and that for 2010 I shall start new happy start. Before I make it seem like I am ending off my blog already... lets have a small "recap" of 2009.

I don't think I am gonna do the each month thing this year, because I don't want to waste my time trying to think that hard about what went on, and if I really want to pondering on those thoughts again.

2009 has made me a really strong and independent person. For many months I was drowned with random drama that I did not need to be in or want to be a part of. Regardless, I still had to go through with them whether I liked it or not. I can say the drama that I was in was really pointless and I do not know why I made myself busy enough to get sucked into it and let it 'take over me'. I lost friends, I gained new ones, old ones return, making decisions whether they or i are right or wrong. It just gets really complicated. In the end, I have gotten to a point where I finally gave in and let everything go because that is the best way for me to do it. Esp since all I did was try things out and hope for the best. I cannot say I went through all of these by myself because that is a pure lie. I did have my besties to help me get through my problems, good and bad. They were always there either telling me to stop what I am doing or helping me push forward. I would not be where I am today, if it were not for them. I am blessed to have them in my life because they have obviously been there for me and I need to be there for them. We are like family.

My friends have made things quite interesting this year. There are those who I talk to every/almost everday, and those who I talk to every once in awhile. For the main four, they are the ones who I rarely talk to, but I do not have to. I am glad they are in my life because distance and time does not have to tear us apart because life makes it go in different directions and it is our choice whether or not we want to remain good friends or just drift apart and act like you do not know the person standing in front of you. Xanthe will always be my bestest friend forever and thank God for that! She is the best and I am glad we have mini dates once a month at least to catch up on things and to vent. We always have each others back when needed and I have been there for her throughout her pregnancy and her problems that she has been facing for many months, but has eventually subsided. She is a true best friend and I love her to death. Kyle as we all know is my two for one special. A brother and sister in one. I love him. He helps me with my problems, listens to me, gives me advice, and looks after me. I am very proud of him with all of his accomplishments that he has made in his life and where it will be taking him in the future. He is one of my favorite brothers that I do not literally have in my family. Lalique. Shes my busy bee, but my top lover, no homo. I love this girl. She inspires me that you can do so much in life and still be satisfied or live happily. Regardless the struggles she faces in her life, she finds a way to keep herself up. She would randomly check up on me and vice versa. I would always miss her because we would hang out a lot in the past, but it does not change how we are friends. I can count on her to be there for me and I am happy that she is one of the very VERY few people who understands what it is like to be in my shoes. Then there is David. He is one of the complicated best friends. Not to be mean in anyway. I have gone through a lot of sh*t with him this year, that has triggered so much drama, and pain. But when we put the whole "relationship" stuff in the past, he has been there for me as a friend. He listens to what I have to say and at least tries to understand where I am coming from. He saw the pain I endured and how I still suffer knowing that my Dad is gone. Things at the very moment with our friendship does not seem so well, but at least he is now trying to get things to be back to normal. We have officially had our closure, returned our things, and starting our friendship new. It is weird knowing I have a lot to say about him, but I guess it is because I did spend most of my 2009 around him. Regardless the pain and struggle. I let it go.

To the rest of the besties, they are the ones that I do see more often or hang out with a lot. I can say that Jesmond, Fawzi, Monica, & Rainier... I have seen them grow a lot and I am glad that they stuck by me when I had trouble trying to turn to others. I love them all and I know that we have gone through thin and thick times together... but it does not matter because we made it another year together! :] Thank you so much for everything.

For my family. It is amazing how much we have grown together. I can say it was a blessing from my Dad. Even though we had to lose him in our lives last year. He did keep us closer and try harder - for some at least. BUT regardless how frustrating and irritating things may get, I will never deny the fact that I love each of them. I wish they knew or understood how much they mean to me, but I guess they will find out sometime in life. I am glad I was blessed with a family. Even though we are not and may never be perfect, I feel its best that we are not perfect. If we were... we would have never grown.

Relationships and heartaches. I have gone through a number of pain and sorrow this year with this topic. My stupidity of not wanting to let go, or for fooling myself that theres some sort of hope. Running in circles, trying to break out of the routine. I suppose you can say I got tired and drifted off somewhere else, where it will be different and hopefully better. In the time that I was "lost" trying to find myself and looking/searching for answers, I did get to where I wanted to be. Sonny is a living proof and example of: "If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they’re yours; If they don’t they never were." He was someone that I truly had to push away and let go for two reasons. One: To protect myself from getting hurt. Two: To find what I really want. I suffered the war that my heart had to face. Pulling and tugging trying to figure out what to do and where to go. FINALLY, I sent out a prayer for an answer, and I got one. :]

I am leaving blogger for now and transferring myself to tumblr just to try things out for a year like I did with blogger. Once I have officially decided what I liked better, then I will remain in that blogging area and try making use for the other. For.. I do not know. Maybe pictures.

I am still gonna continue my yearly slideshows and I am going to currently put that together and hopefully have it up for New Years at least.

Last note to you all: This year has been the toughest for me, and I am glad that I made it out and finally over with. I am ready for a beginning and a new start. Lets put everything that was in the past behind us and lets look forward. So much awaits for us we should NEVER dwell on the past.


TO THOSE WHO HATE/DISLIKE ME: Suck it. Grow up and get over it. I am done and I have forgiven/gotten over what may have happened. I am willing to put everything aside and try to start new. If that does not seem like an answer, then fine. So be it. Bitching, dogging, talking shit, etc does not mean you have become a better person or over the problem. Being over something is when it does not even matter to you anymore. So go ahead and continue your random drama, but just know I am done with it. The best thing I can do is nothing. So love it or hate it. Your choice.

Some Quotes I Kept Throughout The Year:


"A woman's heart should be so hidden in God, a man would have to go to Him to find her."
(founded in Klarissas Tumblr)

The best kind of friendship is the one that is not negatively affected by time and distance. (forgot where I found this one)

"Life is a process. take the mistakes and pocket them. learn from them and move on. no need to stress and dwell on them longer than you really need to. it took me many years to come to realization of what i just typed on here. we're all in the same boat. keep your head up. blessings=)" - Bryan Keith (reply to status update)

"To live in the world without becoming aware of the meaning of the world is like wandering about a great library without touching the books."
It is strange to be known so universally and yet to be so lonely. - Albert Einstein


Pictures of each Month

JANUARY:



FEBRUARY:



MARCH:

N/A for 2nd picture

APRIL:



MAY:




JUNE:






JULY:





AUGUST:




SEPTEMBER:





OCTOBER:





NOVEMBER:





DECEMBER:








*Sorry I was too lazy to search for all the photos so I got what I had on my Mac

Not So Long From Now...

I am making my Farewell to 2009 blog.

Independent

Some people do not realize that I do not seem to care about that situation anymore. I let him go along time ago and not planning on turning back. I am done and been done for along time. Am I being harsh? Maybe, but you get what you deserve. People do not seem to realize that all I need is a complete closure and I am done - whether it ends well or poorly - because all I can do is keep moving forward. It is kind of sad that I do not really care anymore, but once I am fed up - I am fed up. You know how I am; once I have made up my mind. It is what it is.

I guess you can say I am releasing all of my pain and hurt from my past because I do not need to dwell upon it anymore. I have grown from all of my bad experience and I will just carry on to something better. All I want to do is just feel free and relieved that I have overcome all of this unnecessary stress that has been lingering around my life for the past couple of months. I am not confused, I am not unsure, I am not making a wrong decision. I know everything I have made up is right for me.

I am happy with my life now, and I feel like I do not have much to worry about or stress out about. I love my family because they are literally all I have when I have nothing left and they are my backbone. I love my best friends I have because I know I can always count on them through thick and thin. I love my boyfriend because he always ends my day with a smile. I mean everyone makes me feel that way, but you know what I mean.

ANYWAYS

The VLFJK dinner went smoothly and I am really glad that it did because I won't lie, I did/do miss them. Everyone is busy and it is very rare for us to get together and just chill and talk. We had a lot of time to talk about different stuff and gossiped about some shiz going around. Pretty darn funny to say, but also sad.. hahahaha "Fakestuh" hahahahaha wompwomp. I think the one thing that got me really happy was just chilling in my room because it was just like old times when we would just lie there and talk or sing or do whatevers that we needed to do for choir hahaha. The person I missed the most was Kyle because I never ever see him. Singing in the car with him was hilarious, and I loved our talk before I dropped him home :] Thanks to Sonny he helped guide me home kinda when I got myself lost while driving in the dark and rain. Haha I felt really lame. No0o Joke.

Today I just did a lot of chilling with myself in my room, then I got to see Sonny Bay! In the beginning I was being such a poon, but after that everything went smooothly! :] Puahaha! I like our hanging out. It consists of either playing OMGPOP, Youtube, sleeping, eating, etc. I love living the simple life.

I am excited to see Xanthe tomorrow because I do not see her as often anymore. I don't know what to wear once again for our lunch date at the Korean BBQ place hahaha.Whoo hoo can't wait to catch up with her! :] PLUS, I need to remind myself I need to start buying her baby shower stuff because I am getting her a buttload of things whoo hoo! :]

Dec 24th. will be the first time that our family will be celebrating our Christmas party on that day. I am kind of sad that we're not doing anything on Christmas, but I'll see. I don't know what I am doing on Christmas yet. & on the eve its also Baby Laliquekae's birthday! I need to find a way to stop by her casa to greet her! O:

I can't believe Christmas is literally right there. I am really excited especially since I constantly play Christmas music almost everywhere I can! Puahaha! YAY YAY YAY! The next thing I am excited about is New Years because well... "its the NEW year." WOMP!

Well I am done. TOODLE LOO

Idk if this is true but it made me think

Idealist Champion

You are introspective, cooperative, informative, and expressive. You have a strong desire to make your thoughts known to the world. When you speak or write, you are often hoping to use your convictions to motivate others to participate in advocacy or you hope to reveal a hidden truth about the human experience. You are greatly concerned with ethics and justice and have a strong desire to speak about current issues and events. You are the most inspiring and animated of the role variants.

You are very individualistic and you feel a need to experience significant social events. You consider intense emotional experiences to be vital to life and view the world as a drama. You are constantly seeking to learn about everything that has to do with advancement of good and the retreat of evil in the world.

You strive toward a kind of personal authenticity and this intention always to be yourself is usually quite attractive to others. At the same time, you have outstanding intuitive powers and can tell what is going on inside of others, reading hidden emotions and giving special significant to words or actions. In fact, you are constantly scanning the social environment, and no intriguing character or silent motive is likely to escape your attention.

You are good with people and usually have a wide range of personal relationships. You are warm and full of energy with your friends. You are good in public and on the telephone, and are so spontaneous and dramatic that others love to be in your company. You are a positive, exuberant person, and often your confidence in the goodness of life and of human nature makes good things happen.

Famous Champions include Joan Baez, Charles Dickens, Phill Donahue, Bill Moyers, and Edith Wharton.



thank you facebook for always making me wonder


ANYWAYS. Hello world. Life is JUST DANDY! :] Love love love it!


To You: Now I am seriously wanting to drop you. Hmph.

Inspiration.

I won't lie. I am surprised that in the most random time... any where and at any place... something hits you. It's one of those moments where you know you have to grab a piece of paper and pencil and start writing... or in my case... opening a word document and typing the life out of it. I know I am never EVER good at making music, but I think I am a pretty okay writer. Putting my thoughts together about events, people, memories, the past, etc... Its all there. Almost like writing a poem or telling a story, but I feel like there is some sort of inspiration to make a song. I won't tell what it is about, but I'll post it once its done. I know I am never good at making a melody or putting in chords (thinking of my failed attempts or creations) BUT, I feel like MAYBE it'd explain a lot going on. *ramble ramble ramble*

Today I was in one of my most interesting moods. In a bitchy, quiet, mad, irritated, sad, happy, super happy, & etc. I can say... it'll eff you up. I had a headache of doom. Nonetheless, I still can say it was literally productive and I am glad it was.

Random Thoughts:
I need to find something to wear for the VLFJDK dinner.
Why can't I do awesome chords on the guitar
I love my freaking radio
Invest invest invest!
My phone has been dropped 2 times... and the second one actually left a dent -___-
"Killing Nazis"
Hmmmmm??
I need to visit mi padre
I Love You =]

Waiting for the Transition

I can say December will be my last month with it for now before I transfer myself out of this blogging site. I might migrate here and there maybe, but for right now I feel like last year has taken its toll on me and once the New Year starts I shall leave the past where it belongs and move on.

On a brighter note, if anyone cares, I have been deeply happy. I know I have been MIA in a lot of peoples lives lately, but I've been doing my own thing for awhile. It takes me away from the stress, and shows me there is more to life than being down all the time. I owe it to certain people for that. For one, everyone knows Sonny has been keeping me company a lot and if no one knows, we are officially together. I am surprised how well he is treating me cause when I look back, everyone really treats me like trash or makes me feel bad about myself, and that's not how its supposed to work. I feel good in my skin and I feel like I have "a new beginning" - as Teddy Flor says. The other person I owe it to is Lalique. Even though we barely see or talk to each other, we do check up on each other. I love how she randomly calls me or texts me and makes me feel all gay. Regardless, I know that I am able to open up to her like my younger sister. Aside the rest is of course my Family. Even though we are not the greatest or stable family, we have great moments together. I am never treated fairly, but I still love them regardless because I can count on them for my smiles.

I can't seem to get enough of how happy I am. I feel like I do not need to do as much because I am living the simple life finally. Everything I want to do. I try not to make things complicated because it really rips the joy out of what can be great later in the future. I don't need surprises or anything expensive because I don't feel its important. But when it is shown, it does have its meaning behind it :]

If anyone tries to take this away from me then 'Suck It'. For awhile I have been able to drain and let go of a lot of unnecessary drama that I do not need in my life. Ever since I handle my problems more differently than I did last year, there has been less bickering around. I just either let myself grow from it or others grow from what had happened. Positive or Negative. Drama will always be right around the corner waiting to tackle you down when you're not looking. I've been trying to keep that aware because I always remember what Mr. Woodside taught me in Psyc- "When you feel like you are high on life; look out because someone will cut you down."

Either way, I am happy. Finally.

For those of you I have neglected, I will apologize for my actions, but I will not apologize for my reasonings. When people hurt me, I am not afraid to look the other way. In a sense, learn from your mistakes. I know I am not perfect and I make mistakes too, but in a processes, there is always a lesson to be taught. Whomever is reading this and is a good friend, you should know how I am already. I still wonder why people would push my boundaries around.

What have I been doing lately?

Mostly hanging out with Sonny.
Playing videogames
Watching Family Guy
Texting
Going out
Church
Home
Clean

Upcoming Events:
12/15 - Christmas Party with CSULA and a few Mt. Sac
12/21 - VLFJDK Christmas Reunion Dinner
12/24 - Family Christmas Party/ Laliques Birthday/ Christmas Eve
12/25 - Christmas (no Family Christmas Party :[ )

(I know I am forgetting A LOT, but... if I forgot something I planned with you PLEASE tell me.)




I love life.




Daddy I Miss You Dearly

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

I am happy and blessed with my life. I do believe though I have encountered many stressful and confusing moments with family, friends, life, etc. I am happy that there are people that do still care. It is not often you find anyone who pushes you, and your buttons, but not purposely, but to help make your relationship grow whatsoever. The way I write it sounds terrible, but I am too tired to actually function correctly. This Thanksgiving made me think a lot, and I guess I am turning things around. I complain bout school a lot, but in the end all I can say is that I am blessed that I am able to at least be in school because many people are unfortunately unable to do so. Its hard, its stressful, the freedom, I'm free, and I love it.

I did enjoy my Thanksgiving with my family and I am blessed to have them dearly in my life! They are always there and forever will be. Even if we fight, argue, and whateverse I know in the end we can't do anything but stick together because we need to. If my friends aren't there for me, I know they will be and I can count on them 100%:] I didn't really take pictures but, oh well its hard when you don't have a camera specifically that you want. After Sonny came to the family party and well was obviously introduced to my family and stuff. We left cause we wanted to go bowling for free for an hour so we went back to my place so I could change. On the freeway he detoured and we ended up going to Downtown Disney! I am enjoying my time with this guy :]

For people who don't know or understand why I love spending my time or actually putting effort into this is because I can actually be myself and not really worry too much. I still worry a lot, but you know. He does his best in being a gent and not many guys out there are like that. He takes care of me when he can, listens to me nag, enjoys the simple things in life, many qualities in common, music, passion, future, etc. If you do not understand why I spend so much time with him... its cause I am making up for loss time. If you knew the story of summer and whatevers, then you'd understand. What I mean by "loss time."

I am going to make my "to you's" for my friends.. BUT I'll write who they belong to this time:

Xanthe,
I am blessed forever that you are my bestest friend ever in my whole entire world! Nothing can express what you really mean to me (no homo). I love you best friend and I know you will always be there for me through the think and thin! True homie right here because you understand me and how busy I am. Vice versa. You're the little sister I look after and I miss you dearly. I can't wait to hang out with you Best Friend!

Kyle,
My baby love I love you dearly! I miss you a lot too! I am blessed to have you in my life because you understand me. Though distance may be keeping us apart, I know that we try our best to stay in touch because we need to be! I am glad that you chose to still be my best friend and I LOVE YOU forever.

Lalique,
My sweet sweet babygirl, I know that we barely see each other or talk as much, BUT I do know that you're one of the girls that I know I have a deep connection and understanding with. For some reason we keep each other updated through twitter and would text each other time to time to see how we are. I am glad we still have that bond where we don't have to really see each other, but to know that we still have each other :] I love you forever babygirl and know that I have your back 24/7

Jesmond,
Mondsy mondsy mondsy. I am digging our once a week chillage where we are able to confront each other with a lot and be forreal. I miss you lots but I do understand that you are now starting to become a busy busy man but I am happy and thankful you are able to get a job holmes! You've been here for me through a lot too and thank you for that! You're here when I need you, and I am glad I can count on you. :]

Fawzi,
There has been a fine line that I believe was broken recently and that's why I suppose I've been neglecting you for awhile. Its hard to throw away a friendship and I can't seem to do that. You've been here for me when I needed someone to talk to and even when you have nothing to say you are still willing to listen and understand the pain. I miss you dearly though homie, I am going to make a day for us just to settle the mess and to start new. I am putting my grudge aside and ready to talk things out.

Monica,
My other babygirl. I can say I've seen you grow, change, and etc through out the time that we've known each other. You know that I am here for you girl when you need me. I know I was able to show you that I can be here for you and I am glad you understand that. I love you sweetie and we owe it a lot to David once again for all of this. Thanks for sticking with me through everything and everything irritation. Love you

Rainier,
The greatest and only Kinder Buddy I have. I don't know how I would survive college right now without you! I am glad we've literally grown up together and I am so happy you're in my life. Our venting sessions and talks about life and reality are always the best and worst because I know we are concerned with our futures. I am glad that you always try to give me the best advice and an opened ear. I love you

Sonny,
This guy. I really am thankful to have you in my life. I never thought you would come back or want me back into your life. We are facing the thick and thin together and regardless what is happening you are still by my side. You've really proved and shown me how much you care about me and how much you really want this to work and I won't lie. I love every second of it. There are days you don't know how to respond to my emotions, but you always listen to what I have to say and/or tell me how to keep myself safe. One of the main reasons I am thankful for you is because you've shown me that keeping life simple is always the best and for making me want to become a better person. Not for only for others but for myself too. I am happy and well-satisfied with us and I love it :] You are truly the greatest.

David,
Last but not least. Tart. It is really hard to feel like I can't talk to my own best friend. I miss you dearly and wish you would be happy for me, but I understand that it is not easy. If you were to ever read this I want you to know that I am thankful that I have/had you as a best friend and that I am here for you when you need me. You were here for me throughout my whole struggle with my Dad and you understood how much pain I faced. I don't know what we are anymore on our friendship, but I am blessed that you were in my life. Thank you for everything. Even if it may be the end.

Greatest Thing I Heard All Month

Thanks Klarissa


"God determines who walks into your life. It’s up to you to decide who you allow to walk away,who you allow stay, &who you refuse to let go."

Blinded

For those who questions what I do or how I plan my life I just wanna say eff you for sure. Don't act like you know my priorities in life or how I deal with my intentions. You making up your own preferences of my decisions makes me want to hit you in the face because it shows how much of a "friend" you/they are. The only reason I say that is because YOU/THEY should know me by now and know that I don't set my priorities in life like that. (FYI: DON'T BOTHER ASKING ME WHO I AM TALKING ABOUT. IF YOU KNOW THEN YOU KNOW IF YOU DON'T THEN YOU DON'T). I am fed up with all the things they say because its just plain annoying now a days. People are complaining about their actions and its not only me. I don't see or understand how they can treat people like we will do anything that they want or need. MAYBE they should focus on their own priorities and decisions in their lives than making their "so called friends" seem like a diick by their own actions on how they're living their lives.

I believe everyone deserves their own piece of happiness and for anyone to question ANYONES choices then eff you. Don't take it out on us that they can't do their own sh*t for themselves. Don't say shit about my life cause I will tear down theirs and I am NOT afraid to.





Regardless of how angry I am about whatever situation and peoples stupidity in life, I AM HAPPY. SO FUCK YOU IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT.

Even though I love how everything is turning

I miss you all

Dear You's Suckkers.

Dear You,
I love you so much and I am so blessed to have you in my life. I can say currently you're the only one who really gets all this mess. Thank you Love!

Dear You,
FUCK YOU. dumbass. I don't even want to be your friend anymore. Shady ass. -__-

Dear You,
You make me awkward. Thats why I goooo awaaaayyy.

Dear You,
What the hell happened to you.

Dear You,
:] Thaaank you

Dear You,
Its okay. I still Love you

Dear You,
I misss you. Dearly.

Dear You,
We have all next weekend baby boo! I miss you come home already!

Dear You,
HAH stolen.

Dear You,
Stop making me the bad guy tsk tsk. >:[

Dear You,
I am glad I get to see you everyday at school!!! :] Love venting to you

Dear You,
Wow I never realized how much I missed you till I saw you! :o

Dear You,
I appreciate everything you've done for me Thank You

Dear You,
I miss you. :[




I have noticed a lot these few couple of days/weeks among my besties and some people I consider "friends" I am sick of how some of you guys are taking my friendship for granted and all I can say is FUCK YOU and find a new friend. I don't need people taking advantage of me and not caring and using me for whatevers. It shows you don't care and maybe I shouldn't either. For those who I know don't do this to me, I want to say THANK YOU and I LOVE YOU. I appreciate it all. I was able to vent everything out lately to a few couple of someones and I feel much better and I should start blogging again but so you all know where I stand here it is.

Rainiers Party

All I can say was that shit was amazingly fun! :] hahaha THANK YOU RAINIER AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOVE! :] Oh man thanks for those who were taking care of me >.< at least I didn't throw up hahaha I just got really sleepy all of the sudden :[ wompwomp BUT I think I fixed some stuff even though I was kinda whatevers BUT I know this cause I remember SOO I am not gone. Lalique, Monica, Kyle, Bryce, Godfrey THANK YOU for a fun night at my house even though we just chilled and what not fun shit :]

besides the party

working at NHS - interesting stuff happened
Prayer Meeting - Sang with Sonny At The Cross
*almost made Monica cry :]

cause monica loves me

xxshycexpinayxx (10:12:54 PM): apa is an asshole
monicatron said (10:13:00 PM): LOL
xxshycexpinayxx (10:13:00 PM): i call her and she just stares at me
monicatron said (10:13:04 PM): HAHAHAHAHA
xxshycexpinayxx (10:13:08 PM): im like fuck man
xxshycexpinayxx (10:13:15 PM): you take a mad shit in my room and you don't even come to me
monicatron said (10:13:19 PM): i read that and straight out like laughed and spit
monicatron said (10:13:20 PM): HAHAHA
monicatron said (10:13:24 PM): LMFAOO
xxshycexpinayxx (10:13:42 PM): apa sucks
xxshycexpinayxx (10:13:44 PM): lolol

Through the Fire

I can say that there has been a lot happening and I refused to update my blogspot about anything. Why? Too tired and lazy to actually think about my days or whatever. BUT I can say yesterday I had fun doing Lalique and Monica's make up for homecoming! :] I helped David out with the posters and then after we watched Wolverine and Grease, danced, talked, and etc till like 1230? Took us about an hour to say goodbye for some reason hahaha.

I want to write down all the stuff in my mind right now about how I feel and such, but I feel that so many people know/read my blog that I just don't want to write it. It's not like what I am gonna write is gonna be bad or anything just that I don't want certain people to know whats in my mind.

I can say I've been in a better mood this week and been trying to stick to the more positive side of life. Nothing is perfect and no I cannot have what I want, but I stick to what God has placed in front of me because I can't throw away good blessings.

I don't know what to write right now but I felt like writing stuff because I haven't written anything LOL. But yeah I am gonna start the 2nd project that I have never mentioned to anyone... or I think I have to Kyle but lol tis all! I shall write again later when I am not reading stuff for school WOMPWOMP


edit:

i am trying to find a way to fix everything i damaged way back when so thats a start!

because this is beautiful

“ i’m scared to be your friend, because i’m always going to want more, but then i got to thinking and i would rather have you in my life as a friend than not at all."
just friends.

stolen from Kyle Oyama

True Words.. kudos

not worrying about anything and feeling free

doing this thing i am telling myself to do feels great. i don't look forward to anything, but i just wonder what lies ahead :] random, spontaneous, friends, family, and carefree is all i need to be and have right now! i love you guys. going where the tide takes me right now... because all we need to do is float sometimes and enjoy the ride. something i forgot along the way :]

i must

stop kicking the leaves around and start picking things up.

if i don't like it, i shall do something about it. and i will.

gonna find the part of me thats been hiding

the song that keeps me up

On My Way Here

I took my first step
On that black and white kitchen floor
I sometimes wonder if that house is even there anymore
I had my first glimpse
Of love when I was five
I watched two people split apart
But still the three of us survived
I’ve seen the best
I’ve seen the worst
I wouldn’t change what I’ve been through
I’ve touched the sky
I’ve hit the wall
But I did what I had to

Chorus
On my way here
Where I am now
I’ve learned to fly
I have to want to leave the ground
I’ve fallen hard but I’ve been loved
And in the end it all works out
My faith has conquered fear
On my way here

Oh yeah, yeah

My address has changed
Almost every year
I’ve found that standing still
Can quickly make a lifetime disappear
I’d rather try and fail
A thousand times denied
And this, whenever you feel pain
It lets you know you’re alive
I’ve been a fool
I’ve been afraid
Yeah, I’ve been loved
I’ve been lied to
I’ve been wrong
And I’ve been right
I stood up when I had to

Chorus

No guarantees
I believed that I would find
An open door or a light
To lead me to the other side
I guess that is why

Chorus

in case i forget

Friday all i can truly remember is that i woke up to text messages that really made me happy. it was from Lalique David and Monica :] the day went on and lalique and i went around a bit and talked for 30 min since time was kinda running out but it was still fun! she saw kyle baby so that was cutes except it was on webchat :] hmm the day went on and i would nap the rest of the time. my family monica and i went to watch Love Happens which was a really good movie i have to admit :] but i can't recall a lot so ta da!

yesterday was pretty cool i guess. i was a bit stressed out that all my plans were messed up but it turned out great anyways. i cleaned my room a bit because it was annoying the hell out of me so i got my room more 'organized' but its still not perfect. monds came over and we talked and caught up on some things. it was really fun singing taylor swift songs! lol i fail but i did my best of course hahaha i picked up monica and jojo and headed out to my nephews birthday party. it was fun cause we had good food and our conversations were really fun :]] puahahaha! i love my family they're so funny yet i missed my cousins because they were all out doing something else. i had to go to church at 630ish cause i had to sing at st marthas. lol it went pretty well for a first time. sadly i don't know tagalog soo WOMPWOMP. after we had to drop of jojo, went to pick up fawzi @ mervins and saw merv and david :] and then headed to target. we got some starbucks and roamed the store. LOL we kept messing around but it twas fun :] lol went back to my place and played Brawl for a couple of hours and then after they played Resident Evil till almost 4am I believe

i didn't like the fact that today i woke up feeling really sick and i am still really sick. it kind of brought my mood down by a lot. i washed my car so early in the morning so i am glad it looks at least clean outside. i need to vacuum but thats all :] david and i were texting in the morning figuring out our plan for the day. justin and i ended up going to davids house since david couldn't go out and we couldn't watch 9 so we postponed it. we played resident evil for a really really long time actually. around 5 or 6 we all took a nap for an hour or two. lol we continued and finished the game before 9. after we started to watch accepted for awhile. in the mean time david and i made a bet about something funny but he knows im gonna win but i made the bet somewhat even so its kinda fair. i think the only bad thing about my day was that i was still really sick at his house and i had a really bad headache most of the time. my happy moment was getting almost 30 critical hits :] today was fun with mister tart face! :] on the way home justin and i were talking about stuff which was pretty cool cause he was really helpful to understand what i had to say :] i am still sick and i am talking to fawzi and monica. now that i am done i am gonna go to bed :] goodnight world


note to self: stop it LOL