I can honestly say, 2009 has been one of my worse years in my life. I am not going to say nothing good came out of it, because I got a lot of good/positive things in return, but the trials I had to face were terrible. I am glad I have a new beginning now, and that for 2010 I shall start new happy start. Before I make it seem like I am ending off my blog already... lets have a small "recap" of 2009.
I don't think I am gonna do the each month thing this year, because I don't want to waste my time trying to think that hard about what went on, and if I really want to pondering on those thoughts again.
2009 has made me a really strong and independent person. For many months I was drowned with random drama that I did not need to be in or want to be a part of. Regardless, I still had to go through with them whether I liked it or not. I can say the drama that I was in was really pointless and I do not know why I made myself busy enough to get sucked into it and let it 'take over me'. I lost friends, I gained new ones, old ones return, making decisions whether they or i are right or wrong. It just gets really complicated. In the end, I have gotten to a point where I finally gave in and let everything go because that is the best way for me to do it. Esp since all I did was try things out and hope for the best. I cannot say I went through all of these by myself because that is a pure lie. I did have my besties to help me get through my problems, good and bad. They were always there either telling me to stop what I am doing or helping me push forward. I would not be where I am today, if it were not for them. I am blessed to have them in my life because they have obviously been there for me and I need to be there for them. We are like family.
My friends have made things quite interesting this year. There are those who I talk to every/almost everday, and those who I talk to every once in awhile. For the main four, they are the ones who I rarely talk to, but I do not have to. I am glad they are in my life because distance and time does not have to tear us apart because life makes it go in different directions and it is our choice whether or not we want to remain good friends or just drift apart and act like you do not know the person standing in front of you. Xanthe will always be my bestest friend forever and thank God for that! She is the best and I am glad we have mini dates once a month at least to catch up on things and to vent. We always have each others back when needed and I have been there for her throughout her pregnancy and her problems that she has been facing for many months, but has eventually subsided. She is a true best friend and I love her to death. Kyle as we all know is my two for one special. A brother and sister in one. I love him. He helps me with my problems, listens to me, gives me advice, and looks after me. I am very proud of him with all of his accomplishments that he has made in his life and where it will be taking him in the future. He is one of my favorite brothers that I do not literally have in my family. Lalique. Shes my busy bee, but my top lover, no homo. I love this girl. She inspires me that you can do so much in life and still be satisfied or live happily. Regardless the struggles she faces in her life, she finds a way to keep herself up. She would randomly check up on me and vice versa. I would always miss her because we would hang out a lot in the past, but it does not change how we are friends. I can count on her to be there for me and I am happy that she is one of the very VERY few people who understands what it is like to be in my shoes. Then there is David. He is one of the complicated best friends. Not to be mean in anyway. I have gone through a lot of sh*t with him this year, that has triggered so much drama, and pain. But when we put the whole "relationship" stuff in the past, he has been there for me as a friend. He listens to what I have to say and at least tries to understand where I am coming from. He saw the pain I endured and how I still suffer knowing that my Dad is gone. Things at the very moment with our friendship does not seem so well, but at least he is now trying to get things to be back to normal. We have officially had our closure, returned our things, and starting our friendship new. It is weird knowing I have a lot to say about him, but I guess it is because I did spend most of my 2009 around him. Regardless the pain and struggle. I let it go.
To the rest of the besties, they are the ones that I do see more often or hang out with a lot. I can say that Jesmond, Fawzi, Monica, & Rainier... I have seen them grow a lot and I am glad that they stuck by me when I had trouble trying to turn to others. I love them all and I know that we have gone through thin and thick times together... but it does not matter because we made it another year together! :] Thank you so much for everything.
For my family. It is amazing how much we have grown together. I can say it was a blessing from my Dad. Even though we had to lose him in our lives last year. He did keep us closer and try harder - for some at least. BUT regardless how frustrating and irritating things may get, I will never deny the fact that I love each of them. I wish they knew or understood how much they mean to me, but I guess they will find out sometime in life. I am glad I was blessed with a family. Even though we are not and may never be perfect, I feel its best that we are not perfect. If we were... we would have never grown.
Relationships and heartaches. I have gone through a number of pain and sorrow this year with this topic. My stupidity of not wanting to let go, or for fooling myself that theres some sort of hope. Running in circles, trying to break out of the routine. I suppose you can say I got tired and drifted off somewhere else, where it will be different and hopefully better. In the time that I was "lost" trying to find myself and looking/searching for answers, I did get to where I wanted to be. Sonny is a living proof and example of: "If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they’re yours; If they don’t they never were." He was someone that I truly had to push away and let go for two reasons. One: To protect myself from getting hurt. Two: To find what I really want. I suffered the war that my heart had to face. Pulling and tugging trying to figure out what to do and where to go. FINALLY, I sent out a prayer for an answer, and I got one. :]
I am leaving blogger for now and transferring myself to tumblr just to try things out for a year like I did with blogger. Once I have officially decided what I liked better, then I will remain in that blogging area and try making use for the other. For.. I do not know. Maybe pictures.
I am still gonna continue my yearly slideshows and I am going to currently put that together and hopefully have it up for New Years at least.
Last note to you all: This year has been the toughest for me, and I am glad that I made it out and finally over with. I am ready for a beginning and a new start. Lets put everything that was in the past behind us and lets look forward. So much awaits for us we should NEVER dwell on the past.
TO THOSE WHO HATE/DISLIKE ME: Suck it. Grow up and get over it. I am done and I have forgiven/gotten over what may have happened. I am willing to put everything aside and try to start new. If that does not seem like an answer, then fine. So be it. Bitching, dogging, talking shit, etc does not mean you have become a better person or over the problem. Being over something is when it does not even matter to you anymore. So go ahead and continue your random drama, but just know I am done with it. The best thing I can do is nothing. So love it or hate it. Your choice.
Some Quotes I Kept Throughout The Year:
"A woman's heart should be so hidden in God, a man would have to go to Him to find her."
(founded in Klarissas Tumblr)
The best kind of friendship is the one that is not negatively affected by time and distance. (forgot where I found this one)
"Life is a process. take the mistakes and pocket them. learn from them and move on. no need to stress and dwell on them longer than you really need to. it took me many years to come to realization of what i just typed on here. we're all in the same boat. keep your head up. blessings=)" - Bryan Keith (reply to status update)
"To live in the world without becoming aware of the meaning of the world is like wandering about a great library without touching the books."
It is strange to be known so universally and yet to be so lonely. - Albert Einstein
Pictures of each Month
JANUARY:
FEBRUARY:
MARCH:
N/A for 2nd picture
APRIL:
MAY:
JUNE:
JULY:
AUGUST:
SEPTEMBER:
OCTOBER:
NOVEMBER:
DECEMBER:
*Sorry I was too lazy to search for all the photos so I got what I had on my Mac
